he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
