The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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