After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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