My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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