he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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