There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
