Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
