Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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