drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
