My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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