In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
