If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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