arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
