I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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