i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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