no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
