At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How does one acquire holy water?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
