He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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