Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize