:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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