How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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