i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
