dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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