U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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