remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize