After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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