you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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