think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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