He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
