Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize