Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
