You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
