Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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