i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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