this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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