Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
