He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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