All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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