Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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