nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
