everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
