I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
