I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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