I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
