I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
