I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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