Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
