if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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