If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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