Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
