Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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