i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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