Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
