the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
