I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
