I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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