any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
