Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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