My sheets look like a crime scene.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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