whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
