And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
