you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize