so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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