I wish I only lived at night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I did not marry a roomba.
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