Already got asked if we're dating
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
