Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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