Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
