I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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